|
Post by Neo Nibu on Jul 9, 2010 20:23:26 GMT -5
Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline. If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are depressed, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.
If you are delusional and occasionally hallucinate, please be aware that the thing you are holding on the side of your head is alive and about to bite off your ear.
If you know a joke post one!
-Nibu
|
|
Mc Johnny
Semi-New Trav Kharian
Trav Khar Warrior
Posts: 9
|
Post by Mc Johnny on Jul 12, 2010 17:22:25 GMT -5
How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them!
|
|
Dizzy
Semi-New Trav Kharian
Montuosus
Posts: 10
|
Post by Dizzy on Jul 18, 2010 14:07:53 GMT -5
If a tree falls on a mime in the woods, does it make a sound?
|
|
Mc Johnny
Semi-New Trav Kharian
Trav Khar Warrior
Posts: 9
|
Post by Mc Johnny on Jul 19, 2010 15:46:18 GMT -5
Here's a good joke,
Women's Rights
lol
|
|
Dizzy
Semi-New Trav Kharian
Montuosus
Posts: 10
|
Post by Dizzy on Jul 20, 2010 21:25:50 GMT -5
lol wow dude lets keep this board away from the discriminating humor. This should be a comfortable environment for all. It's one thing if the joke was a little more imaginative, but yeah... lets just keep it fun ok?
|
|
|
Post by Neo Nibu on Jul 21, 2010 2:20:06 GMT -5
Ah yes agreed, here's a good one,
A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. As he sits, the waitress comes over and asks for their orders.
The man says, "I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke." He then turns to the ostrich and asks, "What about you?" "I'll have the same," says the ostrich.
A short time later, the waitress returns with the order, "That will be $6.40 please."
The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.
The next day, the man and the ostrich come again, and the man says, "I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke," and the ostrich says, "I'll have the same."
Once again, the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.
This becomes a routine until late one evening when the two enter again.
"The usual?" asks the waitress.
"No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and salad," says the man. "Same for me," says the ostrich.
A short time later, the waitress comes with the order and says, "That will be $12.62." Again, the man pulls the exact amount out of his pocket and places it on the table. The waitress can't hold back her curiosity any longer.
"Excuse me, sir, but how do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?"
"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic, and I found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there."
"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"
"That's right - whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.
The waitress asks, "One other thing, sir, what's with the ostrich?"
The man sighs, pauses, and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick with long legs who agrees with everything I say."
|
|
skuxy
Junior Trav Kharian
Posts: 43
|
Post by skuxy on Jul 21, 2010 17:27:11 GMT -5
What is worse than 7 babies in one pit? One baby in 7 pits.
|
|
|
Post by rolmada on Sept 6, 2010 13:11:12 GMT -5
Two not-so-bright outdoorsmen are paddling down a river in a canoe. They start to get chilly, so they light a fire to keep warm Needless to say, the canoe burns up and they sink to the bottom, proving once and for all you can't have your kayak and heat it too. It's the only one I could think of off the top of my head
|
|
|
Post by twinshrews on Oct 18, 2010 18:54:46 GMT -5
The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes in the belly.
He was 71.
Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The gravesite was piled high with flours. Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very 'smart' cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, he still, as a crusty old man, was a roll model for millions. Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play Dough; two children, John Dough and Jane Dough; plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart. The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.
|
|
|
Post by Rusienne on Oct 21, 2010 23:14:44 GMT -5
What's the difference between yogurt and Australia?
If left alone for two hundred years, the yogurt will develop a culture.
|
|
|
Post by Drugged Monkeys on Oct 23, 2010 11:06:04 GMT -5
A man gets on a plane with six kids. The flight attendant asks, "Are these yours?" The man replies, "No, I work for Trojan and these are customer complaints!"
|
|
|
Post by sacred on Nov 21, 2010 23:57:10 GMT -5
When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300°C.
The Russians used a pencil
|
|
|
Post by Drugged Monkeys on Nov 24, 2010 21:16:52 GMT -5
Two women die and go to Heaven. St. Peter explains, "We have one rule: Don't step on the ducks!" When the first woman steps on one, St. Peter chains her to an ugly man. "Your punishment is to spend eternity chained together!" he says The second woman goes years without stepping on a duck, and one day St. Peter comes up to her with a handsome man and chains her to him. The happy woman says, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you?" The guy says, "I don't know, but I stepped on a duck."
|
|
|
Post by Drugged Monkeys on Mar 8, 2011 17:11:20 GMT -5
The leaders of the big beer companies meet for a drink. The president of Budweiser orders a Bud. Miller's president orders a Miller and the president of Coors orders a Coors. When it is Guinness turn to order he orders a soda. Why didn't you order a Guinness everyone asks? Nah Guinness replies. If you guys aren't having a beer neither will I.
|
|
NPLXIV
Skin Crafter
The Motherland of Chinchillawater Founder
Posts: 196
|
Post by NPLXIV on Mar 8, 2011 18:26:26 GMT -5
Whats Black and white and dead all over?
Michael Jackson
|
|